Here Comes The Goan Bride

There are three types of weddings that Goans usually favor.

One, is the classic wedding. It has all the trimmings, bells and whistles that make it a memorable day for the couple organizing it. They start preparing for it at least one and a half year in advance, taking as much time to find the banquet hall for the big day as one would take to find a new home. Off to the annual bridal show they go, to seek the latest ideas and perhaps get a prize or two in the form of discounts on the services offered. About 250 to 300 close friends and relatives are invited. Everything is done in style and I have seen brides break down at even one small arrangement going wrong.

The mass is a grand affair with the wedding singer taking the hymns and solos to great heights with a practised choir. The reception is equally memorable with toasts raised by the head table consisting of best friends and favored young relatives. They make the audience roar with all the private weaknesses of the couple and it is taken with humor. All this is during or after a sumptuous sit-down three-course meal. Buffet style is a no-no at these weddings. The dessert spread is equally impressive. Laid out on two or three massive oak or maple tables, it consists of every sweet, cake, eclair, tart and pudding you could want. To give it a Goan touch, the parents sometimes add the choicest Goan selections of bibinca, doce-baji, letri and coconut macaroons among others. The band then strikes up and its time for what the Goans do best - dance. At the end of it all, the couple will have spent about $200 or more per guest invited.

The other type of wedding is the more informal affair. The couple decide on a wedding package offered by hotels in some popular beach resort where all the arrangements are made by the hotel concerned. Cuba, Costa Rica or the Dominican Republic are favorite destinations. Since one must take leave from work and pay for the return flights and hotel stay, not to mention the cash present to the wedding couple, only a few close friends and relatives agree to go and that is what the couple really want. The intimacy of friend and family makes their wedding more meaningful and remembered. The guests in turn get a holiday for themselves and a chance to add joy to the newly weds in a more personal manner. Sometimes if the wedding is planned for Goa, more people will come for obvious reasons.

The third choice is a low-budget affair where the young couple call only their near family and go off to one of the many small towns in Ontario where the wedding takes place Canadian style, with the least expense and also the least fuss. The low key mass is held in the town church where the small population come wide eyed, to welcome the town guests and the reception is held in the community hall where sometimes the local police and the fire department will drop in for a couple of beers. In return they will parade the couple through the town, lights flashing and horns blaring, singing Irish or Scottish wedding songs interspersed with mandos that bring out the people from the homes to wave and cheer at the retinue. Money is saved that could be more usefully plowed into a home and car and the various other major expenses that loom on the horizon.

It is customary for people to RSVP to wedding invitations before the due date which is about a month ahead of the occasion. The couple will register with one of the larger department stores and make a list of the items they require for their new home. That way they will get presents of their choice of a wide range and without any duplication. The more expensive items are meant for the wedding and those of lesser value (between $50 and $100) can be given for the bridal shower. The male part of the couple of course is happier with a lady popping out of a large cake with nothing on except a nice hat at a stag party where beer flows like water. But then men have always been low maintenance. Presents for the wedding usually fall between the $150 to 200 range per person in cash or registered gifts. That helps to defray some of the couple's manifold costs.

The young Goan population in Toronto is unevenly balanced. There are more girls than boys and therefore the females become predators clothed in the nicest, brightest lamb-like clothing and with the sweetest demeanor. The boys will be macho. They will work out, have 6 feet tall muscular lean bodies and seemingly have razor-sharp minds. The girls although cleverer, will pretty much act like dumb blondes and let them get their way during courtship. The routine always works. However loud the boys, however quickly they chug seven to eight shots of the most throat-searing ouzo or vodka, after the wedding everything turns topsy-turvy. That small, gentle, sweet 5feet nothing of Goan seduction will turn that lion into a mouse.

Here is a typical conversation overheard from a young wedded couple.
He: My parents would like to come to Toronto this summer.
She: But we are going to France in June.
He: France? You never told me of that plan before. In any case they cannot come in the Canadian winter you know.
She: I know. So you can tell them to come next year.
He: It makes more sense for us to go to France in the winter.
She: Shush shush dear lets not go on about this.
End of all dialogue. Mum and Dad can come only next year. Subject of course to all her other future plans.

OK ladies, no offence. Boys, it could be worse. Home Depot sells dog houses they call "tool sheds" and in sweet revenge, she'll make you pay for it. Who says it's the economy you had to worry about after your wedding day?