L'Chaim ! Next Year In Goa

And so, in the tone of the Bible, they came to the land, they toiled and their God was pleased. But it was not without pain.

Although their western background of the British and the Portuguese colonial eras helped the Goans in assimilating into Canada, there was yet a lot they did not understand.

They did not understand why the husband could not speak on behalf of the wife, or on behalf of their children of majority. They did not understand why in many cases their wives could earn more than they did. They could not understand why though they worked so hard and knew more, their colleagues who could verbally spout (that counted for 'communication'), would pass them for promotions. Those who did, thrived, and those who didn't, held on to the hope that one day they would go back to Goa where things were much saner. At least to them.

There was a lot of hubris to many a Goan male. Used to a background where a marriage was made for life, they could not reconcile to the pressures of living in the western world. To him, it was enough that he worked hard, that he brought his family to a better country and had made things possible. Bombarded from all sides from high pressure advertising, from conversations with female colleagues at the office and other pulls, the Goan wife deemed it not enough. The fact was, both needed to grow.

When the children rebelled, as children all over are wont to do, the mother took the children's side and the father felt betrayed. One's line in the sand was redrawn by the other. And the children took advantage of it. Still, there was nothing that could not be solved with some family or marriage counselling in which Canada abounds, but the Goan's inherent nature would not allow it. What would society think, was the paramount obstacle in their heads. It's the other's fault, not mine, was another obstacle.

But marriages survived and healed because Goan Toronto is Toronto. Families talked to each other, they called each other to their homes and they celebrated their occasions like Goans do and that helped in the healing. The problems after all, were not confined to them alone. That, and the financial effects of a separation, held the bond that was made in some old Catholic Church or Cathedral in Saddar Town, Panjim, Bandra or Entebbe.

And so the first generation families thrived despite all the conflicting pressures of jobs, children, marriages and a new society. The nest was the castle where the heating was adequate and the cold drafts of the psychological winters were kept at bay. The children had a home where both father and mother were present and the children too thrived in the warmth. For Toronto where the divorce rate is 60%, the
Goan rate of about 5 says a lot for the strong fiber of the community. Those rolling hills of Sangolda and the lush paddy fields of Cavelossim no matter how many generations ago, had played their part in a drama enacted in a young country more than 8000 miles away.

To the Gulf and the Indian Goan, the nascent dream of one day going back to Goa never went away. They dreamt of the days when Goa was pristine and poor and the people uncalculating. Like the Jews, whenever they met they toasted to the Goan equivalent of L'Chaim - To Life! Next year in Jerusalem! The children would have homes of their own and they would go back to the land they so loved. They went for their vacations to Goa as often as they could, husband and wife and they saw that Eden was not Eden any more. The wives broke ranks first. Goa, they said, not for me! Canada is much better even in my old age. Few cheat, the systems are orderly, I get good health care and I can have a say if something bothers me. Besides, my children are here. The husbands refused to let go of Jerusalem, but as more time passed and things got worse in Eden, they too agreed.

It's no longer L'Chaim for the Canadian Goans. It's more like I'm happy where I am.